The Story
An Ingenious Proposal
As you may know, Vice President for Student Affairs Sam Sadler recently announced that he and his Committee to Recommend a New Logo for the College (or something to that effect – perhaps it’s shorter and snappier, such as â€"Logo A Go-Goâ€) would like students to submit ideas for a new logo to replace the present controversially-feathered one.
Worry no more, Mr. Sadler! I have ingeniously devised a way to solve not only our logo problem, but also our mascot deficiency. You may consider this humble piece of work my submission to your committee.
Other writers have previously suggested mascots in varied campus publications, to which I must reply: â€"Pitiful!†A wren? A colonial-era king? What good would these be against the fearsome hokie bird of Virginia Tech, which would likely gobble the wren down whole and peck the king to death before stealing his wig as a triumph of war? Anyone who has seen a hokie bird in real life can attest to their ferocity.
My esteemed colleagues, rather than further expounding upon these weak suggestions, I will get straight to my point, that being my recommendation of a new mascot and logo (both of which, I have no doubt, will be looked upon which such delight and gratitude that I will become a minor campus legend). I therefore propose the immediate institution of the noble phoenix as the mascot of the College.
My reasons for choosing the phoenix are many and varied. I think first and foremost of the rich history of our fine institution. The phoenix would represent the Sir Christopher Wren building, which has thrice risen from the ashes of its predecessor to become a nobler structure, much like the phoenix hatches anew from its own ashes after having spontaneously combusted.
Secondly, phoenixes are one of the few creatures to which the group term â€"tribe†can be applied, which well aligns with our celebrated rally cry of â€"Tribe Pride.†No one will ever convince me that a group of phoenixes would be termed such a base and ignoble thing as a â€"flock†(hokie birds, yes, but not phoenixes). The phoenix does not flock- he floats, he glides, he bands together with his fellows in a tribe of solidarity. And he would most definitely kick a hokie bird’s ass.
Thirdly and finally, the imaginary nature of the phoenix allows for a perfect meshing with the College’s colors of green and gold. I am sure that the phoenix (were it, of course, real) would come in such noble colors, Harry Potter’s Fawkes notwithstanding.
To get back to the main point of this proposal, the new College logo must match the phoenix in magnificence, which can only be done by putting some representation of the phoenix on it. Rather than slapping a phoenix head in the logo, I suggest something simpler- say, a feather or two, perhaps.
Yes, green and gold feathers would well suit the new logo. To be honest, it would look a bit like the old logo, but would instead have shinier, more impressive and, most importantly, completely uncontroversial feathers.
A rather ingenious proposal, if I do say so myself.
Aileen Judd is a staff columnist for the DSJ. Her views do not necessarily represent those of the entire staff.