The Story
Election Season Fun
A week ago, three intrepid reporters from The DoG Street Journal braved questionable weather to survey 100 of the College’s best and brightest on their views on the coming presidential election.
However, the data collected was above and beyond that which the most widely-known news outlets have publicized almost daily. No, the students of William and Mary rose to the challenge, and answered those questions few dared to ask. They shared their views on which candidate or candidate’s wife they would date, and which candidate they would like to have as their father.
Please allow a short disclaimer to precede the following results of the DSJ Election Fun Survey. The methods employed were far from scientific, and the results may in no means may be taken as representative of the student body at large. They are the views of some 100 students polled as they passed by the UC Terrace on their way to class.
Standard Stuff:
Are you affiliated with a political party?
Among the students we surveyed, 46% claimed to be members of the Democratic Party, some 22% were Republicans. The rest of the participants chose “other” indicating no affiliation, or in some cases third party membership.
Are you registered to vote? Do you plan to vote?
In these cases, the students of the College did not disappoint. 97% of students surveyed were registered, and 96% planned to vote.
Beyond the Boring:
Which party has the coolest mascot?
Donkey or elephant? It’s a question that many have asked. Students seem to actually separate their love of mascots from their party preference. In fact, despite the fact that 46% of those surveyed were democrats, only 35% chose the donkey as their mascot of choice, while another 33% felt that the elephant of the GOP was the epitome of cool.
Would you date someone from the opposite end of the political spectrum?
The participants have spoken, and dating across party lines is far from taboo. In fact, 58% approved of bipartisan relationships.
However, the seniors we surveyed had a much higher rate of disapproval of interparty dating. 25% of seniors surveyed disapproved, compared to none of the freshman participants. Perhaps our seniors have had less positive experiences in bipartisan cooperation.
Depending upon your preferences, who would you date?
In this category, we asked our participants to choose their date from among the presidential candidates and their spouses. It was hardly shocking to see that 69% of those answering the survey chose the following option:
“None of these. The very concept of this question disturbs me.”
However, while the incumbent, George W. Bush pulled 4% of the vote, his wife Laura pulled 5, and John Kerry came in with 7%. However, Teresa Heinz Kerry came in with a healthy 14%. This would suggest that, according to those actually brave enough to answer this question, Ms. Heinz Kerry is the preferred hook-up. As one participant wrote, “I like ketchup.”
Ok, so who would you rather have as your dad?
Students had noticeably fewer problems with this question. The results were too close to call. 34% of students thought that John Kerry would make the best father, and 33% feel that George W. Bush would be a great dad.
Their reasoning? One participant added, “It would be easier to trick him,” beside their selection of George W. Bush, and another simply left “$” by John Kerry’s name.
Students did, however, have a write-in option. Significant polling figures were achieved by John Edwards, Ralph Nader, Al Sharpton, and Bill Clinton.
Conclusions
We cannot claim that the following survey is necessarily accurate. However, it does offer an interesting glimpse into the minds of students here at the College.
It revealed that the greatest majority claim to be Democrats, but that a significant number went against party preferences when they chose the elephant as the most rockin’ mascot.
We learned that when they are brave enough to admit it, some of our participants have a Teresa Heinz Kerry (or was it ketchup?) fetish.
However, our discoveries did not end there.
Election Superlatives
The following results are from students' opinions concerning their professors' political inclinations. The winners were selected on a first-past-the-post basis. Whoever had the most votes won.
MOST likely to vote for George W. Bush: Professor Clyde Haulman, Economics
"I believe your readers are pulling you leg -- As a long-time Democrat the last thing I can imagine is voting for an individual and an administration that have lied to the electorate, endangered the international position and security of the nation, trashed civil rights of citizens, and enriched themselves and their supporters at the expense of fiscal future of the land. And, that is only the beginning." - Clyde Haulman, Professor of Economics
“I think it says something about how liberal our faculty is when Haulman is voted most likely to vote for Bush.” - Alex Mills, sophomore
MOST likely to vote for John Kerry: Professor Marc Sher, Physics, and Professor Michael Como, Religious Studies
LEAST likely to vote: A four way tie between Professor Terry Myers, English, Professor Mark Fowler, Philosophy, Professor Timothy Costelloe, Philosophy, and Professor Arnab Basu, Economics.
You would MOST likely write in: Clay Clemens, Government
MOST likely to vote write in his own name on the ballot: Clay Clemens, Government